From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and she was petting her beer can
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
