i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
