we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
