... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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