Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
