I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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