Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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