He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
