you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
