Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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