Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
