Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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