this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
