he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize