Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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