You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
handjob tips. give me some.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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