I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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