she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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