I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
