My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
