You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize