i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
