I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
