i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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