thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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