Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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