i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
