I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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