I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
