it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
