chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize