Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
