fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
