im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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