I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
