wanna go halves on a baby?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
