Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize