dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
