You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
