8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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