but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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