There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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