billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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