Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
