Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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