We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
