now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
