But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
