Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
