So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
