You can't special order awesome
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
