some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
