her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
