I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
