You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
