just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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