I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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