I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
