I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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