when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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