I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When are your genitals available?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
