he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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