still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
