Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
