Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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