So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
