hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
