Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
