Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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