she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize