Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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