last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
