On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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