Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
