Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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