i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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