During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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